What we really mean when we use words like ‘agile’

Writing about design and helping others to think like a designer has made me very self conscious. I’ve started to hear the jargon and question what designers are actually saying in pitches, brainstorms and workshops.

Breaking the fourth wall (or breaking the illusion of the design industry) is a bit sensitive. After all us experts aren’t cheap. But for fun I’ve started a glossary. If you have any other buzzwords or have heard the guff, it would be great if you can share it.

Agile

We will do whatever it takes. Smaller, faster, cheaper but not always better.

Align the thinking

Let’s agree to disagree.

Approach

How we’d rather do this.

Annual review

Soon forgotten.

Asking “Can you go back a slide?”

Who’s in charge here.

Asking “So what I’m hearing is…”

I’m the alpha and here’s what I want.

Asking “Will it scale?”

Yes but we both know there’s no need.

Authentic

Made to look cheap.

Backburner

We’ll get back to this in a few months, if ever.

Be practical

Make it easier to understand

Benchmark

An idealised example that’s almost impossible to replicate.

Big picture

Why we are doing this.

Brainstorming

Get into small groups of people you don’t like and listen to their random thoughts.

Brave

Wrong (so wrong)

Can we…

Actually, can you do the work… then I’ll take credit.

Classic

I’ve seen this so many times before.

Close of play

I’ll be working late tonight.

Collaboration

More meetings and managing diaries.

Company bonus scheme

We’re all equal but some of us are more equal that others.

Contingencies

To cover what won’t be paid for upfront.

Consulting

Asking open questions that take other people a long time to explain.

Content

Words and pictures.

Costs too much

We’re not invested.

Design thinking

Thinking like a designer.

Disruptive

Something that asks more questions than it answers.

Don’t red light this but what if…

Someone’s bored with the meeting already.

Don’t start anything just yet

We hate the idea

Evolve the brand

We hate the brand, is there anything you can do?

Fit for purpose

Does this work?

Flipcharts

Time to call out synonyms until you run dry.

Freelance

Hard to find a good one, easy to get rid of.

Gathering feedback

This is what I want.

Glocal

Universally misunderstood.

Have you considered…

We’ll go with my idea.

Ideation

Please leave us to it.

I have a big ask of you…

You’re going home late tonight.

It can’t work

Prove me wrong

Iterate

At some point we’ll get this right.

JFDI

Shut up and be told.

Kick-off meeting

So, what are we doing?

Procurement

Someone needs to play bad cop.

Project brief

Something to fall back on when things go wrong.

Let’s circle back to this

Let’s forget you said that.

Let me add to that…

My idea is better.

Let’s discuss it

Time to throw mud.

Let’s not step on anyone toes

Know your limits.

Looks busy

It’s a mess.

Meeting biscuits

We might need a distraction.

Mind map

Rambling thoughts on lots of PostIt notes.

Move things forward

Head down and JFDI.

Multitasking

Disorganised and under resourced.

Narrative

Another way of saying ‘story’.

Not a dumb question

Yes it is but I want to sound clever.

Not fully resolved

This is bad.

Not ready for it

This doesn’t answer the brief.

Open plan studio

Battery farmed office workers.

Pain points

Users hate it and we can’t fix it.

Partner

Allow scope creep.

Qual. research

Asking a select group if they like something.

Quant. research

Ask random strangers “ yes or no?”

Resources

There are only so many hours in a week.

Request for proposal (RFP)

Either coached through a bidding process or making up the numbers for comparison.

Risk assessment

Trust no one.

Scope creep

Never trust people who say “I’ll know it when I see it…”

Sponsor

Someone senior who doesn’t get it.

Soft skills

Coping with dysfunctional people.

Some other time

Never.

Stakeholder

Someone senior who does get it.

Step-change

Spot the difference.

Strategy

No real world application or tactics.

Supplier

It’s their fault not ours.

Synergy

This might just work.

Taking a deep sigh

Somebody wants to feel important.

Team building

Hanging out with the people you already spend most of your time with.

Table football

I’ve never understood this one, sorry.

Thinking outside the box

People aren’t buying the same old sh*t anymore.

The client won’t understand it

I don’t understand it either.

The timing is wrong

It’s never going to happen.

There are better ways

This is a terrible idea.

They won’t go for it

On your head not mine.

The 11th hour

Where were you when the hard work was being done?

This is important

Okay prove it.

Too many projects already

Give it up already.

Too clever

I don’t get it.

Too hard to implement

It’s really not worth it.

Too late

We’ve moved on.

Too soon

They won’t get it.

Turn key

Just make it happen.

Venn diagram

What to focus on and what to ignore.

Vision

If you can’t see it then it’s not a vision.

Walkthrough

So what have we missed?

War room

Block booking a meeting room to make a mess.

We’d like a bit of everything

For people who like to eat at the buffet.

We’re too big

Our costs are top heavy.

We’re too small

We’ve been punching above our weight.

We’ve tried it before

It was a bad idea then and it’s a bad idea now.

Window of opportunity

Let’s not muck around.

Win win

We really want this to work out too.

Work package

Can I have a discount please?

Yes

Maybe.

Thanks for taking time to read this. I really appreciate it.