On My Craft (And Sullen Art)
I’m not a bad visual designer. I still want to get better.
The header on my last post here was an original image—the popular troll face, with comments left on my Facebook threads spiralled around it. The black and white version’s above—see my name on the left—and while I don’t normally make my own headers, I’m pleased with it. I could have spent longer on the coloured version, but I’m working on stepping back from things. My instinct too often is to let the perfect be the enemy of the good, and I’m trying to let myself publish stuff I still think is imperfect.
Something you might know if you’ve followed me for a long time—but not if you’ve found me through this site in the last few months—is that I moonlight in graphic design. It’s always been a second job, based on word of mouth rather than anything organised, and I’m happy that at the moment, most of my income is from writing. But I’ve made a lot of things I’m proud of. Last year, nine months of prodding and patience after he first commissioned me, I created a look for James Croft’s blog; I previously did the same for Ashley F. Miller, whose talents include writing and painting.
I’ve done book covers too, and I’d like to do more. This one, for Greta Christina, is from 2014, and you should buy the book. (If you’re wondering or interested—yes, I’m taking on work. Drop me a line.)
I’m hooked on Abstract, the Netflix show about leading designers. Each episode profiles someone at the top of their field: the biggest revelation is the film featuring Es Devlin, the stage designer whose work you’ve almost certainly seen, but the two that feel closest to me are centred on the illustrator Christoph Niemann and the graphic designer Paula Scher. Watching the series has made me think more deeply about the second string in my skill set. It’s also really made me want to draw.
I decided a while back that I don’t want visual stuff to be my day job. It’s a little too time- and labour-intensive, and writing is where my heart is, and part of why I like designing stuff—why I’d hate to be forced to give it up—is that it’s not the nine-to-five. Lately I’ve struggled to write posts and wanted to make images instead; I’m nursing a horrific craving for the iPad Pro, because I’m in love with the thought of uploading half-drawn-half-written things like Lynda Barry’s strips. It’s made me realise something: in the medium term, one of my goals is to illustrate my own written work.
Like lots of people who design digitally, I live with impostor syndrome. I like a lot of the things I create, and the things I do can pay decently; I know my way around Adobe, I can doodle stylishly enough, and on a good day I can take a half-decent photo, but I’m pretty lacking in old-fashioned art skills. I’d love to know how to draw representationally or paint by hand on a canvas — it’s something I envy madly in people like Ashley—but I don’t have the training or a natural gift for it. I’d like to learn properly at some point.
I took art at GCSE and got an A, though it was touch and go. (Assignments got everything from Bs to A*s.) I didn’t enjoy it that much — the teaching was rigid, the teacher frequently brutal — but I have her to thank for making me learn Photoshop, which ended up being how I made the grade. Even ten years later, I harbour insecurities about having picked graphics instead of fine art. The fact the skills I picked up then still help me pay the rent only makes me feel more afraid of being found out. Graphic art felt less legit than drawing and painting at GCSE, and it still does.
I’m pretty good at compensating for what I can’t do with what I can, but one thing I’m now realising is how much more I could design if I had better formal skills. Down the line, I’d like to learn calligraphy and take up hand-lettering. (I’ve already got logo designs in the pipeline that would benefit.) I’d like to create book covers with digital drawings and publish posts on here with hand-drawn header art. I’d like to draw studies in a scrapbook, or perhaps join a class. I’d like to paint with brushes and ink.
I can’t say whether any of that will happen: the goal this year is to get my own place to live. But I do know one of the reasons I’ve been focusing on writing is that with visual design, I’m feeling the limits of my own skills. Perhaps that’s just jumping out at me now because I’m gaining a better idea of what I’d like to be able to do. In any case, I want to get better.
