I’ve forgotten how to relax
It might sound crazy but it’s true. The last 12 months or so I’ve thrown myself into my career. Whether that’s my day job, freelance work, side projects or personal growth. I don’t know why perhaps I wanted to challenge myself and progress within my role. I even promised myself I would put myself first for once, I’ve failed on that. I haven’t had a sick day for about 5 and a half years and hardly taken a holiday.
I’m a big fan of routine and ensuring I look after myself. I wake up early, get in the gym before work 4 or 5 times a week. On my lunch breaks, I take a walk and get away from the screen for 45 minutes or so. It helps me stay focused throughout the day, and exercise first thing in the morning sets up my day and means I can have the evening off without feeling guilty or wasteful (which becomes a problem in itself).
Just relax
That’s where the issue of relaxation comes in. I’ve tried many things to improve my sleep pattern, no mobile phone before bed, I have an automatic dimming light that I use as a bedside lamp, reading before sleep.
The problem is I’m convinced my body is programmed to sleep for 4 hours at a time. Most nights I wake up 4–5 times a night, without fail. I have no problem falling off to sleep but my mind wakes me up constantly, whether it’s planning the day ahead or answering something I have been thinking about a few days before. When I’m busy my mind is awake, so more often than not I get up and make a start on the day or challenge ahead. I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night, like a baby.
The funny thing is, the irony of my last post is titled ‘It’s okay to do nothing’. I have always felt the need to be doing something, I’m not someone who can sit and do nothing, and it’s something I need to change.
Perhaps it’s because a creative job isn’t something that can be turned off. I don’t finish my day job, shut off that part of my brain and then go home. I’m always switched on, gaining inspiration from everyday life, what we read and consume on a daily basis. I have endless lists of illustration projects I want to work on, anything from fruit stickers to printed plasters, it’s just not very high up on my to-do list. I’m forever pointing out bad kerning on restaurant menus or Netflix titles (How bad was that kerning between the A and G on BBC’s Fleabag? In fact the tracking was inconsistent and all over the place)
Relaxing. It’s simple, just do nothing, right? “Oh, I would love to get home and have nothing to do”. So much easier than reality. When’s the last time you did nothing? You work full time, have kids, have sport commitments, pets that need walking, a partner who you want to spend time with, a Netflix show to binge, a house to clean, food to cook, friends to see. Now try getting your recommended 8–10 hours sleep.
But times are changing. I am putting myself first for once. Relationships I have neglected, opportunities I have missed out on. Times are changing, time for a break and refocus my mind. Life is something that doesn’t slow down and the more you throw yourself into your work, the faster life will pass you by. Self-care and doing things for me. For once.
“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.” — William James
