Confessions from a recovering perfectionist student in UX Design
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“There is progress,” my Bootcamp mentor said at the other end of the call. “Now take this homepage and make 6 different versions of it. It’s not going to be perfect but when you make the final version, you’ll be using elements from all previous iterations. I want you to push this design further.”
That is the kind of tough love I was seeking when I first joined a design Bootcamp. A mentor who will help me develop beyond the checklists that beginner designers are expected to follow. Mentally, I had prepared for this, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to grow as a designer unless I sat down and put in the work. Early mornings and late nights have become the norm. “This is so exciting,” I told myself. I can try different things, do multiple iterations and have fun designing just like my mentor suggested.
In a state of excitement, I sat down with my pen and notepad, multiple Dribbble pages open and a Figma artboard beaming out of my monitor. The moment my pen touched the paper to sketch, my mind went…blank. It wasn’t that there were not enough inspirations, or that I didn’t believe that I had enough ideas to pull it off. I was just paralyzed with fear.
What if I get it wrong? What if what I design next is going to be terrible? What if I disappoint my mentor with my sub-par designs? With my mind racing, I held the pen close to the blank piece of paper without touching it. I immediately started feeling a dreadful sense of fear and self-doubt.
The facts were loud and clear as day: Yes, I will get this wrong. I will probably get it wrong more times than I can count. Chances are I will ignore a dozen design principles, mix the wrong colors, and mess up the fonts and content. This is the essence of the design. Getting it wrong numerous times until there is a silver lining.
At first glance this is common sense for all designers, but as someone with a perfectionist inclination inherited from my day-to-day life, how can I convince my mind that it’s ok to mess up when I’m learning something new? What can I do to break through this invisible wall?
All of a sudden, the words my mentor said took on a completely different meaning. “I want you to push these designs further,” he said in our call. However, to achieve this goal, I must push myself as an individual further. In the same way that design evolves, we are constantly iterating on ourselves. And there’s only one way to get from the newbie land to where I want to be.
Feeling my anxiety kick in, I took a deep breath and pressed the tip of the pen firmly into the paper. It was time to rebel. Against negative self-talk and thoughts of comparison. Rebel against my perfectionist tendencies, which are likely to still persist and will continue to cause me problems. It all starts with that pen and its owner, who defiantly chooses to keep moving forward despite all odds.
I learned more than just design during that assignment. I became aware of my limitations and my stubborn determination to overcome them. It is only by getting it wrong that I will be able to become the designer I want to be. And the moment I feel the fear of failure creeping into my mind, that’s my cue to keep going.
For the curious, here is my set of iterations.
